Thanks to Eric for writing all this up in remarkably accurate form…

*Many of the following events have been slightly embellished for the sake of entertainment. Some of the events, though they may seem unbelievable, are 100% TRUE.

Friday, March 3^rd, 2006

Approx. 3:00 a.m.: Norm and Vicky are the first to arrive and check in to their room at the Aladdin Hotel. According to hotel video surveillance footage, Norm and Vicky proceed to passionately and perversely cause baffling damage to the mattress, box spring, pillows, linens, carpet, full-length mirror, bathtub, shower, toilet stall, and most oddly of all, the small coat closet. (Though there is no video evidence that Vicky was involved with that last one.)

10:30 a.m.: Amy arrives at McCarran International Airport, where she is immediately questioned by Aladdin Hotel Security about her connection to Norm and Vicky, who have just arrived to pick her up.

11:30 a.m.: Andy stops at Prim, NV (State Line) on his way to Vegas, and proceeds to clean out all three casinos (though he claims only to have won $250 on a slot machine.)

12:00 p.m.: Norm receives a call from Carl and Poom, who not only have crashed their rental car into the Grand Canyon (Carl claims he simply “didn’t see it there”), but they did not purchase the supplemental insurance. Norm also learns that while waiting for help to arrive, Poom was inadvertently mauled by a burro. Norm worries that they will not make it back to Vegas in time to pay for their hotel room.

1:30 p.m.: Eric arrives at McCarran International Airport. Andy, drunk from his financial windfall in Prim, suffers a surge of hormones to his brain stem, causing him to think he is already at a strip club. Eric finds him outside of baggage claim trying to stuff dollar bills into the Taxi Director’s underpants.

2:00 p.m.: Andy and Eric arrive at the Aladdin and meet up with Norm, Vicky, and Amy. Upon meeting Andy and Eric for the first time, Amy questions not only her decision to come on the trip, but also her friendship with Norm. Upon meeting Amy for the first time, Andy and Eric think, “Hey, we just met Amy.”

3:00 p.m.: Andy, Eric, Norm, Vicky, and Amy arrive at O’Shea’s Casino, Las Vegas’ second-best Korean-owned, Irish-themed casino staffed exclusively by Panamanians. Cheap food is consumed in the food court. Vicky reveals her secret (and in Tennessee, illegal) crush on Lucky Larry the Lobster, an animated slot machine character.

3:30 p.m.: Word reaches the group that due to a clerical error, Carl and Poom’s car has arrived at the Aladdin via Medi-Vac helicopter, while Carl and Poom arrive a short while later by tow truck. The group rushes back to the Aladdin to make sure the car is ok.

5:00 p.m.: The whole group, now including Carl and Poom, arrive at the newly opened Hooters Hotel and Casino. Everyone is relieved to find that the place is exactly how everyone pictured it. Andy, Eric, and Norm play a new table game called Texas Shootout, similar to 7-Card Draw. Kenny Rogers was at the table, and contrary to popular belief, he had absolutely no idea when to hold ‘em or when to fold ‘em.

6:30 p.m.: Norm, Vicky, Carl, and Poom arrive at McCarran International Airport to attend funeral services for the rental car. Carl and Poom are dismayed to learn that funerals can be quite expensive. Following a brief wake, Lisa arrives at the airport and is hurriedly escorted out by Norm before security realizes he is there.

7:30 p.m.: The whole gang dines at Dan Marino’s Restaurant in the Hooters Hotel. The group is shocked and disgusted to find the menu features many different preparations of dolphin meat. But Vicky wolfs it down nonetheless, claiming it tastes “very intelligent.”

9:00 p.m.: The group strolls north on the east side of the Strip, stopping at various casinos at various intervals to drink and lose money – except Andy, who wins $3500 just by glancing furtively at a video poker machine.

11:30 p.m.: Norm foolishly decides to risk showing his face at the airport one more time, in order to pick up Jamie. Luckily, Jamie uses his computer hacking skills and his Rand security clearance to divert his plane’s landing to a secluded location, where Norm retrieves him undetected.

Saturday, March 4^th, 2006

12:30 a.m.: The group reconvenes at the Aladdin, with Jamie in tow. Andy, Eric, Lisa, Jamie, and Amy decide to split from the others in a desperate attempt to find a restaurant whose menu has the same design, layout, and font as the Cheesecake Factory’s menu. And Zanzibar’s miraculously did not disappoint (even though their grilled cheese did.) Norm, Vicky, Carl, and Poom are not heard from again for many hours.

2:00 a.m.: The Zanzibar diners retire to their respective hotel rooms. Andy and Eric try to teach Jamie the intricacies and strategies of Texas Hold ‘Em. Unfortunately the only card game Jamie has any grasp of is Uno, and he therefore fails to understand anything Andy or Eric say. Jamie goes on to win $300 from Andy and Eric in the subsequent Texas Hold ‘Em game.

3:00 a.m.: Andy and Eric struggle to fall asleep amidst Jamie’s grunting and heavy breathing. Jamie asserts he is doing push-ups. Andy and Eric pray that it’s true. Andy thinks he sees a text message on his phone, stating something about Norm, Vicky, a goat, and the Clark County Jail, but decides it’s just a hallucination and goes to sleep.

10:45 a.m.: Word has come from hotel security that Carl, Poom, Norm, and Vicky have made bail (thanks to Amy), and were currently sleeping it off in the Sports Book at Caesar’s Palace. Andy, Eric, Lisa, and Jamie head south on the Strip to show Jamie that the New York New York hotel is more realistic than New York City itself. On the way they stop at the MGM Grand for brunch, passing by the temporary Lion Habitat exhibit. Temporary, they learn, because once the Christians are fed to the lions, the lions will be shot and served at the new Dan Marino’s Lion Country Safari Diner. At brunch, Andy sucks down half a bottle of ketchup through a straw.

1:00 p.m.: Andy, Eric, and Jamie are accosted by American Idol reject and pseudo-celebrity Constantine while waiting in line for the roller coaster at New York New York. “I am the great Constantine!” he shouts. “Bow before my stubbly-faced, stringy-haired, sleazy presence!” Eric has trouble deciding which was more nauseating: the ride or Constantine.

2:15 p.m.: Amy has gone AWOL and is presumed dead (or just sick of everyone else.) The other 8 members of the group decide not to worry about her and instead play a grueling Texas Hold ‘Em tournament in one of the hotel rooms. Beer is consumed, as is everyone’s ego as Vicky viciously and unapologetically knocks everyone out of the game, winning $650,000 in the process (much to everyone’s surprise, as the buy-in was only $20 per person.)

5:30 p.m.: After everyone has bowed to Vicky’s greatness, Norm, Vicky, Poom, and Amy (who thankfully has re-appeared, unharmed), split off to get ready to go see the new Cirque du Soleil show “Ka,” which is short for “Ka-n you believe we charge $125 for this crap?” Andy and Carl, sickened by the poker game result, retire to separate bedrooms (or so we were told) to watch basketball. Lisa, feeling a rush of female empowerment after Vicky wiped out all the men playing poker, collapses on her own bed. Eric takes Jamie on a guided tour of the hotels on the Strip, pointing out the various locales where Eric has been a witness to, heard about, or been party to, public urinations.

8:00 p.m.: Eric and Jamie meet up with Andy, who is so hungry that he is willing to brave a hotel mall in order to get a bite to eat. Jamie purchases a Lou Gherig autographed baseball for $28,000, and then irresponsibly loses it while attempting to demonstrate his mastery of the knuckle-curve on the roof of the Aladdin.

10:00 p.m.: The whole group reconvenes inside the Aladdin. Lisa sports a fresh welt on her forehead, which she explains she received while casually eating a pretzel outside the hotel, when a baseball suddenly fell on her head. Much to Jamie’s dismay, Lisa says she tossed the ball into a dumpster so that it couldn’t cause any more harm. Asked how the Cirque du Soleil show was, Norm replies, “Can you believe I paid $125 for that crap?”

10:30 p.m.: The group dines at P.F. Chang’s in the Aladdin. Poom, so guilt-ridden from paying $125 for that crap, eats nothing but beer. The group is asked to leave when Andy requests a bottle of ketchup.

11:45 p.m.: The gang arrives at Fremont Street in Downtown Las Vegas, and watched the Fremont Street Experience on the video panels above. Carl briefly freaks out, thinking that the ceiling is coming alive. Amy quietly explains that it isn’t. Everyone loses money gambling, except Andy, who now owns 6 of the hotels in Las Vegas.

Sunday, March 5^th, 2006

1:00 a.m.: The estrogen contingent splits from the group to hang out at a male strip club. They quickly retreat back to the Aladdin, nauseated, after discovering that male strip clubs feature near-naked men gyrating in their faces. The testosterone faction heads to a female strip club. They too retreat back to the Aladdin after watching topless women gyrate in their faces for three hours. At some point in the night, Jamie comes face to face with his own heterosexuality like never before. During the limo ride from the strip club to the hotel, he announces that he would like to buy the world a Coke, and then passes out.

5:00 a.m.: Jamie, Norm, Andy, and Eric all finally fall asleep, coincidentally all muttering the word “Nadia.” Norm would later explain to Vicky that Nadia was the limo driver’s wife’s sister’s name.

9:45 a.m.: The group sleepily makes its way to breakfast at the restaurant that stole the Cheesecake Factory’s menu design for one last group gathering. Norm graciously pays for the meal, partly out of generosity, but mostly out of guilt for soiling everyone’s coat closet during the night.

11:15 a.m.: Jamie, Norm, and Vicky head out to Red Rock Canyon, purportedly to go hiking, when actually they go to hunt the most dangerous game of all: Man. Jamie doesn’t recall discussing that yesterday, and cautiously raises an eyebrow. Andy decides to leave town before the Nevada Gaming Commission catches up with him, and Amy decides to leave town before Andy catches up with her. Eric and Lisa decide to test their resolve by taking a nap in the same room together. Failing to sleep, they gossip over who the best-looking person is in the group. Congratulations Carl! Jamie checks into Poom and Carl’s room under an assumed name before heading out with Norm and Vicky.

1:20 p.m.: Eric and Lisa arrive at McCarran International Airport and disperse to their respective airline terminals. Lisa is assaulted and carried off by a group from the Dawson’s Creek Fan Club convention who mistake her for Katie Holmes. Eric buys a pad and a pen and begins to jot down the Minutes for the awesome, cool, fun, tiring, expensive, and very gratifying trip to the best city in the USA, Las Vegas!

(But wait, there’s more!)

Where Are They Now?

Andy was last seen at the Bun Boy in Baker, CA, winning $6.2 million on a penny slot machine.

Amy, suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, moved to Iceland and opened a psychology clinic for wayward PhD candidates.

Carl and Poom never left Las Vegas. They opened up “Carl’s Poom-Porium,” a trading card store featuring the call girls of Las Vegas. Collect and trade them all!

Lisa now permanently resides in Las Vegas, where she performs in the new Cirque du Soleil show “Ka 2: Kickball Fantasy!” It is now the most successful show in Las Vegas history, certainly due to it’s audience participation segment, where participants get to kick the balls at Celine Dion.

Eric decided to write a very silly epilogue to “Las Vegas Weekend 2006: The Official Minutes.”

And finally, Vicky double-crossed Norm out in Red Rock Canyon, stole his cash, buried him up to his neck in topsoil, changed her name to Nadia, and ran off with Jamie to Peru, where they plan to marry this summer. Norm still wants to go to the wedding.

THE END

I finally joined the 21st century and made my very own blog–how incredibly…quaint. Some people have the overwhelming urge to transmit their innermost thoughts for all to see…I’m not one of them. Not to say that you won’t occasionally see the journal-like entry, but I’m guessing you’ll see more in the way of rants and things that either (a) fascinate me or (b) piss me off rather than me trying to share my deepest feelings (not that there’s anything wrong with that).

It’s President’s Day…a good day to finally get around to putting my web domain to good use. There’s a barebones version up at http://www.poom247.com or http://www.PoomNukulkij.com (same site, different name), which is probably how you got here. Not much there now, but it’s a start.

I’m going to go clean up the placenta from the birth of this blog now.